Monday, January 2, 2012

tell me... it wrong to get even the tiniest bit upset, when I find myself being bitter, because what I want so badly and have worked so hard on seems to be such an easy thing to attain for others?

I know it's ugly.  I know I'm supposed to be content.  It's not like I'm not appreciative - I am immensely grateful for what I've got.  But sometimes - just sometimes -I would wonder, "why am I not the one to get that first - even though I've been going at it for longer?"

B always calls me out on it - maybe I do have a secretly competitive side; and being a Capricorn, it's not surprising that I am ambitious in a practical way.  I know you can never compare what you have with another's unless you have walked a mile in their shoes, yet I just can't help but to feel the burn of  jealousy sometimes when I see others getting what I've been desiring before I do, or getting seemingly more than what I've got.

I am upset that it does vex me; and doubly so because I can't deny the fact that I am still yearning for what I have yet to get...

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